i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Randomize
