He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
