My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
