We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
