I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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