grandma shit on top of the toilet
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
