last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Randomize
