He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
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