Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
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stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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