I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
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