he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
