called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
This gyro tastes like lonliness
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
