I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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