I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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