She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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