Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
