Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
