You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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