Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
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