oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
