She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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