i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
