Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Randomize
