Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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