A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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