dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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