she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
