final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize
