did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
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