My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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