Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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