do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
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