a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Randomize
