i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
