We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I booty called her while she was in labor.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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