I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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