new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
My penis needs a shock collar
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize
