Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
