She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
