One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
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