He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
