I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...