This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Pants 0. Shit 1.
grandma shit on top of the toilet
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
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