he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
