I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
we should paint friendship bongs
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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