that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
last night I used snow as a chaser
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