Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
