Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
