she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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