What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
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