Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
