I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
