I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
