Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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