Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Randomize
