you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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