why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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