So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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