So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
