my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
i've created a new STD.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
