Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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