Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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