he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
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