y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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