Small penises have feelings too.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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