I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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