My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
