Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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