why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
