sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
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I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
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We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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