Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
