So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Randomize
