I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
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