Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
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after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
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I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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