fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
