He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
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Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
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Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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