she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
