I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I'm bleeding and have questions
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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