I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
