I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
where am i from again
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
