Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
