It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
