Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
