Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
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i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
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I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
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