She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Randomize
